BAR ROOM SIGNS

Friends don't let friends Take home ugly men Women's restroom Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away. Perkins Library, Duke University , Durham , NC

If life is a waste of time, And time is a waste of life, Then let's all get wasted together And have the time of our lives. Armand's Pizza, Washington , DC

Fighting for peace is like Screwing for virginity. The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO

No matter how good she looks, Some other guy is sick and tired Of putting up with her shit. Men's Room Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC

At the feast of ego Everyone leaves hungry. Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson , AZ

=0 A It's hard to make a comeback When you haven't been anywhere. Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg , AZ

Make love, not war. Hell, do both GET MARRIED! Women's restroom The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT

If voting could really change things, It would be illegal. Revolution Books New York , New York .

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! Men's restroom House of Representatives, Washington , DC

Express Lane: Five beers or less Sign over one of the urinals Ed Debevic's, Phoenix , AZ

You're too good for him.. Sign over mirror in Women's restroom Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA

No wonder you always go home alone. Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA

~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one ~~~

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, You're going to have trouble with it Women's restroom Dick's Last Resort, Dallas , TX 0A

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy ____________ _________ _________ SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need. ____________ _________ ________ GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man... ____________ _________ ________ HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ____________ _________ _________ LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die... ____________ _________ _________ PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. ____________ _________ ________ DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___ HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED: Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.