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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

BAR ROOM SIGNS


Friends don't let friends
Take home ugly men

Women's restroom
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University , Durham , NC









If life is a waste of time,
And time is a waste of life,
Then let's all get wasted together
And have the time of our lives.

Armand's Pizza, Washington , DC







Fighting for peace is like
Screwing for virginity.

The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO





No matter how good she looks,
Some other guy is sick and tired
Of putting up with her shit.

Men's Room
Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC






At the feast of ego
Everyone leaves hungry.

Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson , AZ






=0 A

It's hard to make a comeback
When you haven't been anywhere.

Written in the dust on the back of a bus,
Wickenburg , AZ







Make love, not war.
Hell, do both
GET MARRIED!

Women's restroom
The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT





If voting could really change things,
It would be illegal.

Revolution Books
New York , New York .





If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

Congress!
Men's restroom House of Representatives,
Washington , DC





Express Lane:
Five beers or less

Sign over one of the urinals
Ed Debevic's, Phoenix , AZ





You're too good for him..
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA





No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA




~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one ~~~


A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
You're going to have trouble with it

Women's restroom
Dick's Last Resort, Dallas , TX


0A

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance


Smart man + dumb woman = affair


Dumb man + smart woman = marriage


Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


____________ _________ _________

SHOPPING MATH


A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.


____________ _________ ________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.


A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.


A successful woman is one who can find such a man...

____________ _________ ________



HAPPINESS


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.


To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


____________ _________ _________


LONGEVITY


Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die...


____________ _________ _________


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.


A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


____________ _________ ________


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE


A woman has the last word in any argument.


Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING
YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling,

telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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