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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Noah's Ark

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NOAH's Ark



AH TODAY

Description: cid:1BA1F469A0AC4D5C85D58D3662EF492E@your55e5f9e3d2
In the year 2009, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in Scotland and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over
-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another
Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the
Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Description: cid:750BA773163647ABA6480AA79C1E181D@your55e5f9e3d2
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
Weeping in his yard - but no
Ark.

"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the
Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
Description: cid:E0E8CB7CC4444FBB9BE7E4D0C0FF46D3@your55e5f9e3d2
"I needed a Building Permit."

And...

Description: cid:33DCCDF8FC654E8BB0C477CD02AD4B20@your55e5f9e3d2
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector
About the need for a sprinkler system."







Description: cid:4FB0C2B851D7456B97FE1A7B8AE679DD@your55e5f9e3d2
"My neighbours claim that I've violated the
Neighbourhood Bye-Laws by building the
Ark in my
Back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
Go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."







Description: cid:E3AC791D6BC44D85961F3632878E6EE5@your55e5f9e3d2
"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power
Lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
Passage for the
Ark's move to the sea. I told them
That the sea would be coming to us, but they would
Hear nothing of it."







Description:  cid:58B081CAE0BA4E149A3319FC09890D6D@your55e5f9e3d2
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
On cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."

"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"







Description: cid:B045990313CA4C99A1F623A1FC9E6BAE@your55e5f9e3d2
"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
Argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and
It was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
A confined space."







Description: cid:B9794D01DE334E0BA21D4AC6F6EC7BBD@your55e5f9e3d2
"Then the Scottish Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the
Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study
On your proposed flood."







Description: cid:7A42C9FAE12C49C08BBBF6F3C02D67DD@your55e5f9e3d2
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
Supposed to hire for my building gang."







Description: cid:0F520C3668814DCEB73F0FE102C7E145@your55e5f9e3d2
"Immigration are checking the
Visa status of most of the people who want to work."







Description:    cid:69F4DF08126749F58F227D460EBD1EF9@your55e5f9e3d2
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
Insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building experience."







Description: cid:6033309573C0444A82A08E7E09403F3C@your55e5f9e3d2
"To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
With endangered species."







Description: cid:E638963A414C4785B6B0BD7177A94555@your55e5f9e3d2
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10
Years for me to finish this
Ark."







Description: cid:0967260849F04800BFE7FE7CE6A23155@your55e5f9e3d2


"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
And a rainbow stretched across the sky."


Description: cid:03982899DA5044698BE3011AAD574DB0@your55e5f9e3d2







Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
Description: cid:FCD4517497104D58B58E86278D1D26CB@your55e5f9e3d2
"No," said the Lord.
" The Government beat me to it."



















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