Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
"To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the moon landing President Bush met with Neil Armstrong. There was one odd moment when President Bush said, 'I hear you're doing well in that Tour de France.'" --Conan O'Brien
After examining a woman the doctor took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither doc," said the husband, "but she's a great cook and really good with the kids.
"My son's into extreme sports, my daughter's into extreme makeovers, and my husband's into extreme denial."